What's next?

The other night, I received a text message from a good friend saying I won’t be able to set out to my new journey. At that time, I was pre-occupied with other thoughts but I reply that it was ok.
Now that it has actually sank-in, I kind of have mixed emotions about it. Should I feel sad about? My logic says I shouldn’t. I did say from the very beginning that there is no pressure and that I’m just doing this to try it out. If it works, then good. If it doesn’t, then let it be. However, there’s this sting inside me saying it should not be ok. It’s like it is making me doubt myself worth. Am I really that stupid? I didn’t make it once upon a time in my life and then now…. Is faith just saying to me that that place is not for you? Or it’s just screaming that you are indeed stupid? Why am I feeling this? Is it right? Are they right? Slowly, I feel I’m getting smaller. What next now? Again, I am torn. Should I set out and pursue it using a different path or quit the idea because it’s saying it’s not for you? But I want to… I want to see myself. I want to rediscover myself. What’s next? I think I’ve made my mind… I need this and I want this. Still no pressure.

???

First... who is this "Chinggoy" that a certain Jay called me? Hmm? I wonder?

Ah, it was good to see you, my friend. It has been awhile and I'm glad to see all of you again... you, you, and you.
I have been updated as well. I visited it… sad and hillarious.

Still very much awake and thoughts are shelling my battle field.
It’s not easy being green. (Bwhahaha!)

In a way, I am more at ease lately.
A co-worker said something like, “Think about it… would it actually matter 3 or 6 months from now?”

Think about….